Stepping Out and Moving Forward

“I think we all feel like misfits when we open our mouth sometimes, you know?”

~ Selma Blair

Sometimes I feel as if I’m a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

Make that “much of the time”.

Then throw in a few personal stumbles, and I can’t even find the round hole.

Or perhaps, I’m already in the hole and just can’t find my way out of it.

Whatever.

Every so often, I get myself in a situation that brings heightened awareness to my status as a square peg.

My recent blog challenge was one of those situations.

I dropped the ball. I realized after about a week it wasn’t the right time for me. Maybe it will NEVER be the right time, but it definitely isn’t now.

I have other things to do…

A few weeks ago, I listened to a podcast about goal setting. I followed through.

I set some goals. I gave those goals a lot of thought…

And I got stuck.

One of the questions the podcast listener was supposed to answer was something like this: “What ONE goal would make the biggest difference in your ability to meet your other goals?”

After much soul-searching, I realized what that goal is.

I need to focus on losing the weight I’ve gained.

I’ve tried to push it to the back of my mind and make other goals my priorities, but THAT goal is the one that is holding me back.

For several reasons.

As petty as it seems, I am depressed about my appearance. REALLY depressed about it.

Although I gained the weight on purpose, I didn’t expect to weigh this much a year later. I thought I’d build some muscle, gain a little fat, then cut a few calories and bid farewell to the extra poundage.

But it hasn’t been my primary goal. It’s simply been something on the back burner.

No matter how much “self-love” and “body love” or whatever I’ve attempted to meditate on, I look in the mirror and see someone else’s face.

(And apparently, so does my hair dresser, because she won’t let me have my pixie cut back… the same thing she did the last time I weighed more than 122 pounds. Except THAT time she mentioned my “jowls”.)

Anyway, if you follow this blog and aren’t interested in nutrition, exercise, or fat loss, I apologize in advance. I’m probably gonna be writing about this journey that I started. I started it a week ago, but I debated on whether to share it publicly here.

So now you know…