My Midlife Project

Remodeling a Middle-Aged Mom

All My Loving

February 9, 1964 — the day my life changed forever.

I’ll never forget that cold wintry Sunday evening. My parents hovered nearby as he told me to close my eyes and he’d kiss me. He told me he’d miss me. He even promised to write home every day and he’d send all his loving to me.

As I gazed into his beautiful eyes, he smiled. He took a deep breath and boldly admitted there was love all around. He had never heard it singing before, though – till he met me.

By this time I was awestruck, and soon he confessed — he had heard that I love him. He shook his head excitedly as he told me he knew that can’t be bad. With a love like that, he knew he should be glad.

Yes, I loved him. Yeah, yeah, YEAH!

He disappeared for a few minutes, but it seemed like hours. While he was gone, I closed my eyes and daydreamed of our future together. I knew my life would never be the same,

The world would change forever after that night.

When he returned, the picture was so clear. The interference was gone. There was loud screaming in the background, but I filtered it out. I only had eyes for him.

Then we danced through the night. We held each other tight. And before too long… he fell in love with me.

As our time together came to an end, he pleaded with me. He begged me to please let him be my man. He asked me to please let him hold my hand.

I took a deep breath as he waved good-bye.

Then he was gone.

It wasn’t really true love. It was simply an unrequited crush. My First Crush. A crush shared by many of the 73 million people who watched the Ed Sullivan show that night.

A crush on the “cute Beatle” – Paul McCartney.


As time passed, I realized the distance between my home in the Midwest and Liverpool, England was an insurmountable barrier. Paul married Linda in 1969, and I accepted that he would never be my man after all.

While “Let It Be”, ”Hey, Jude” and “The Long and Winding Road” blared over the sound system at school dances, I looked for replacement crushes closer to home. Closer to my age. Closer to reality.

There was never another crush quite like that First Crush.

Several decades later I met the object of my Last Crush — and I married him. He isn’t a celebrity, but I give him all my loving and he gets to hold my hand.

And he loves me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[This post is part of a BlogHop with the group known as Generation Fabulous. This month’s topic is: “My Celebrity Crush”.]

About Brenda

Morning person. Introvert. Longtime runner. Erratic sleeper. Fitness junkie. Lifelong learner. Coffee addict. Volunteer. Health/Wellness advocate. Coach. Blogger.

48 Replies

  1. Such a sweet person for a first crush – Paul has always seemed like the nicest person, don’t you think? I love the last line of this post!

    1. Thanks, Sharon. Yes, even as I watched the video of the Beatles’ first performance on Ed Sullivan, Paul just seemed to have such a sweet spirit about him.

  2. Happy Anniversary Brenda…
    This is the first time I’d ever seen this fine performance.
    While watching I was looking through the lens of your first crush.
    A fun way to appreciate who the Beatles were, making history at that time.
    A first crush definitely makes its mark.
    Thank you

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Yvonne…. Interesting that Newsweek magazine reported the following week (back in 1964) that they fully expected the Beatles to be a flash-in-the-pan, with no longevity.

  3. Very cute way you introduced your crush. Love it. I never had a big crush as a youth, not that I can recall. As an adult I’ve been known to drool over Pierce Brosnan though.

    1. Paul McCartney and Davy Jones are the only two I can really remember from youth. Coincidentally, my first boyfriend in real life, my senior year in high school, was a musician. LOVED Remington Steele…. 🙂

  4. Brenda:
    I don’t use this word much, but this is truly DARLING… so touching in a teenage kind of way!

    1. Thanks, Laura! Writing it was definitely a nostalgic journey. I’ve been humming old Beatles tunes for the past week…

  5. (My computer connection just failed when posting a comment, so here I go again. I hope it’s not a duplicate.)

    Thank you for writing this lyrics-laced post about Paul. He was my favorite Beatle, too. My best friend Kim (who liked John) were going to write a book about the Beatles. We spent our time and our dimes copying pages about he Beatles from magazines as part of our research (way before the internet). My first year of college, Kim called me from out of state to tell me that John had been shot. I mark that day as the end of my childhood innocence. Today, my cell phone ring tones are all Beatles songs: my husband = paperback writer; my daughter = she loves you; my best gal pals = help! general = hard days night; my church lady friends = lady madonna, etc. Thanks for the fun post.

    1. I was married and living in Oklahoma when John was shot… seems so long ago. Our view of the world definitely changed after that. Very cool about your ring tones! As I recall, “Hard Day’s Night” was the first movie I saw in the theater (vs a drive-in). I’ve been humming Beatles tunes ever since I wrote this piece. Thanks for stopping by!

  6. I’m a Beatles girl, not a Rolling Stones girl – but I always had a crush on Ringo- heaven knows why!

    1. One of my best friends in elementary school liked Ringo most, too. I must admit I never understood why… but my first REAL LIFE boyfriend was a drummer. 🙂

  7. Very sweet post, I love the way Paul used to bob his head to the rhythm, and those big big eyes of his…dreamy!

    1. Yes, I watched the YouTube video of that very first Ed Sullivan show appearance, and it all came rushing back… 49 years later! Loved those eyes!!

  8. You captured your teenaged self so charmingly, and I loved the end of your story.

    1. Thanks for stopping by! My husband’s favorite part is also the essay’s end…

  9. This was so sweet! I remember watching that first Ed Sullivan show and literally kissing the black and white television screen! Great memories and I love how you integrated the lyrics!

    1. I’d never seen such a ruckus before as everyone screaming and carrying on — and Ed getting frustrated with it all! I must admit that integrating the lyrics was a bit more awkward than I’d hoped it would be, but it was fun!

  10. He was indeed “the cute Beatle,” but also – so extraordinarily talented – still!

    Lovely crush indeed.

    1. Yes, still cute and still talented… Thanks for dropping by!

  11. Paul was a heart throb and not too bad even now!

    1. I read somewhere that he was Oprah’s crush, also… and yes, he is still attractive, even at nearly-70.

  12. Loved how you weaved the song words into your tender prose.

    1. Thanks! I’m STILL humming Beatle lyrics to myself as a result of this little exercise….

  13. Love The Beatles. And you are too cute. And just let me say, I LOVE your Twitter pic. Nice guns. 🙂

    1. Thanks, Amanda! I get some interesting responses to that Twitter pic… Ha! 😉

  14. And Sir Paul is still one sexy man!

  15. When I was young, I was a Davy Jones girl and felt that loving Paul was a direct slam on Davy. Because he was the REAL talent :). Now, as an adult, I can appreciate your crush. And my ex-husband loved him enough for both of us. He knows every fact, every song, every thing about Paul. And nobody deserves the worship more.

    1. I liked Davy Jones after/during my Paul years. Paul’s significance has definitely had more longevity — and he’s still a handsome fellow!

  16. I loved singing along with this post! Fun piece!

    1. Thanks, Joy! For some reason, I’ve been humming “She’s Got a Ticket to Ride” all day — and THAT song isn’t even included! 🙂

  17. Sweet story! Loved the Beatles. Paul was adorable.

    1. Thanks for stopping by!

  18. I’m not sure that I’m willing to share Paul with you. I certainly wasn’t willing to share him with Linda…and the two who followed her. I actually noticed my first husband because he had hair just like Paul’s–and an English accent.

    1. We also have to share him with Oprah… I read that when she and Paul received Kennedy Center Honors, she said it was like the wedding she never had — because she always thought she’d marry Paul. 🙂

  19. He still makes me weak-kneed when he sings those old songs. Those puppy-dog eyes! Love how you wrote this!

    1. As I was writing, I tried to analyze what made him special… and I do believe it may be in those eyes! Thanks for stopping by, Barbara!

  20. What excellent taste! Paul McCartney was so crush-worthy. As the cutest Beatle, he also always seemed to be the nicest (although after seeing Ringo in concert two days before 9/11 I have to say that maybe it really was Ringo).

    While Paul was also very far out of my reach, he did make the music that became the backdrop of many of my real romances.

    1. I never had the chance to see any of them in concert… How cool! It all just seems so long ago. Thanks for stopping by, Chloe!

  21. It was so intense wasn’t it…I will never forget those feelings, still watching “A Hard Day’s Night” for umpteenth time…where has the time gone, I still feel like that 12 year old girl when I see him…

    1. Funny how the memories all come rushing back, isn’t it? I actually found this blog hop emotionally exhausting from reliving all those intense feelings from my adolescent and teen years. Yikes! Thanks for checking out my post!

  22. I love this post. I, too, was one of those excited females glued to the tv that night. Those were the days. Yes, he definitely was the cute one!

    1. Thanks, Karen… You’re right — those were the days! Definitely a different time and place.

  23. Helene Cohen Bludman

    Brenda, loved this! I alternated between cute Paul and complicated George. The Beatles will always have a place in my heart. <3

    1. Those were the days, for sure. I’m glad you enjoyed it, Helene. Thanks!

  24. Paul has always been my favorite Beatle too. He has certainly aged well.

    1. I haven’t kept up with him much in recent years, but I looked him up while working on this post. You’re right — he HAS aged well! 🙂

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