Mother, May I Skip the Month of May?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28

Today is my grandma’s birthday. It’s too bad she isn’t here to celebrate. She always loved cake and ice cream…

Maybe that’s why I do, too.

Eleven years ago this week, my almost-98-year-old grandmother (May 15, 1906 – May 11, 2004) went to Heaven to plan parties with Jesus. Grandma had the gift of hospitality. She loved entertaining, socializing and traveling. I have a collection of postcards I received from her throughout my life, mailed from all sorts of locations from Alaska to Washington to Pennsylvania and beyond. So many good memories and so much unconditional love…

Grandma signed nearly every card and letter she wrote to me with Romans 8:28. It was The Promise.

Six years ago this week, my 76-year-old mother (February 5, 1933 – May 13, 2009) went to Heaven to sing in the Heavenly Choir. My mother was very different from my grandma (who is my dad’s mom). My mother was as private and introverted as my grandma was a social butterfly. Even when my grandparents were in their 80s, their social schedule left my parents exhausted. My mother had the gift of song. She loved singing in church, baking cookies, and watching sports on TV. She also loved to travel. Unconditional love? Not so much.

Today is not only the anniversary of my grandma’s birth, it’s also the anniversary of my mother’s memorial service.

As someone who spends too much time inside my head, this time of year — even after the SAD of Winter Blues — is often rough. I miss my mom. I miss my grandma. Mostly I miss having someone to tell me I can be successful at anything I choose to do… and to offer me milk and cookies if things don’t work out like I hoped.

I’ve struggled lately with which direction to take. I need a compass. I committed to give one year to a certain project over two years ago. I’m still in over my head with that project, but I’m ready to move on.

The truth is, I feel so far behind on the rest of my life that I’ll never catch up.

So — I begin again. Hoping to tie up some loose ends. Hoping to find my path. Hoping to regain my life. Hoping to remember what this blog is all about. Hoping to keep working on becoming a better person.

And hoping you’ll stick with me when I stumble…