Where Do All the Butterflies Go in January?

My name is Brenda, and I suffer from A.D.O.S.

There. I admitted it. I tore off my warm, fuzzy cloak of denial and stand naked. I hope you won’t judge too harshly.

On the other hand, you might ask, “What is A.D.O.S.?” You’ve never heard of such a thing.

A.D.O.S. stands for “Attention Deficit… Ooh, Shiny!” disorder. It’s similar to OLABS (“Oh Look, A Butterfly Syndrome) — as in “I like ice cream. Oh, look — a butterfly. I wonder where it’s been. I went to Mexico a few times. Do you like snow? Vanilla is the best. I want to visit Peru again someday. Monarchs are my favorite kind.”

It’s a crippling condition. I’ve struggled with A.D.O.S for more than 50 years. I hid it well until recently. During the past 4 or 5 years, it’s gradually become unmanageable. I have trouble staying on task. The inability to stay on task makes it impossible to reach my goals. When I fail to reach goals, I get depressed. When I’m depressed, I allow clutter to build in my home. When I’m surrounded by clutter, I can’t focus. When I can’t focus, the cycle repeats.

Living in the Past

Twenty years ago, doctors diagnosed my daughter with Attention Deficit Disorder. I recall asking the pediatrician how my child could have inherited such a thing. His wry response still echoes: “Let’s just say you manage yours quite effectively.” [Since we were next-door neighbors and volunteered together at a free clinic, he knew me well.]

Home life was very structured while my kids were young. I insisted. Although my ex-husband was on 24-hour-call for the almost-23 years we were together, I managed to stick to a schedule. Even during the years when BOTH of us were on 24-hour-call with two teenagers, I got stuff done. I ran every morning at 5:30 a.m. I rode my bike or went to the gym in the evenings. I taught Sunday School. I entertained often. I was President of the PTA. I traveled across the country on business several times a year. I spoke at workshops at the local university… Blah. Blah. Blah.

Then Came Middle Age

What happened? When did all that energy and focus disappear? Will I recover?

My life has endured many changes since 2005, it’s not easy to know whether my condition is situational or physiological. Probably a little of both.

Getting married for the second time. Changing careers. Converting to a new and different lifestyle. Watching my youngest leave the nest. Worrying as my oldest moved to four different states. Having our nest go from “empty” to “reinhabited” in two short days when my husband’s two teenagers suddenly decided to live with us as soon as my daughter moved out. Living with two teenagers raised with different rules/values/standards than mine. Going to empty nest and back again a couple of times. Adjusting to various work/sleep/meal/TV schedules… and my mother’s sudden death.

Now my husband’s schedule includes working nights (anywhere from 2 to 5 nights a week) and taking college classes and/or sleeping during the day.

It never ends — except with me feeling completely  discombobulated dazed and confused most of the time.

And menopause doesn’t help, as you can see in this WebMD article released just in time for my 55th birthday last year.

Back to Basics

Needless to say, pre-existing Attention Deficit Disorder plus menopausal Brain Fog can equal an Unlived Life — if you allow it.

Beginning today, I’m getting back to basics. Back to the activities and habits that help me stay on task. Written plans/lists. No sugar/artificial sweeteners. Limited grains. Plenty (8 hours) of sleep. Fish oil/Omega-3. Vitamin D. Daily exercise.

P.S. — I originally intended to share more details about some of my goals today. When I attempted to focus and plan, I couldn’t do it. I eventually decided to post about my “issues” instead. Oddly, now I’ve written about my lack of focus, I feel much more focused… 🙂

P.P.S. — Although I don’t know if laughter is beneficial to ADD, ADOS, OLABS, or Brain Fog, I believe it’s good for the soul. Check out this humorous blog post from another midlifer about her experience with CRS Disease.[A couple of PG-13 words, but funny, just the same.]

What actions/activities/habits do YOU use to keep yourself on track?